he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
