You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize