I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
