We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
