why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
