when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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