Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
