my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
