Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize