If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
