sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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