she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
