Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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