I skipped work to stalk him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
