So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
