you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
