Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
