I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
