Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize