I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
