Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
