so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I look excited, but its just a facade.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
