Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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