Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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