I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
