At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
