Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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