remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
