You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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