Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
