Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
