just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
