Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
