I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
