So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
