she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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