Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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