no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
