I want to stick my p in your. b.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
