Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
