What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
