Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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