I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
