I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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