Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
