Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize