It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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