ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize