Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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