please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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