The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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