the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
