I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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