You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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