would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
