So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
