pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
