Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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