so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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