one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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