I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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