aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
