you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
