I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
