some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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