is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
