By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So. Much. Porn.
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